No jobs....
So I have been hunting and have found that there are no jobs currently in my area, in my field, with my skill set. Yes there are jobs in my field but they are either ones I am not qualified for (ie: not enough experience or wrong experience) or ones that I have done in the past and know I suck at (ie: full commission sales or high pressure sales) and know I will end up failing at. And at the current moment starting a job I know I am not cut out to handle is the last thing I can do...it will put me right over the edge. But I have applied for them...and even they didn't call me back since right now there are a ton of people looking for jobs. I know I am not the only person going thru this as I look at the field related job boards and see 5-10 people all looking for "my" job. My last boss is even looking as the company I was "let go" from has basically gone under.
My frustration and depression levels are at a all time high for as of the end of June my unemployment benefits will run out. I feel completely disillusioned in my field. I worked so hard to get my degree (I am a horrible student with my dyslexia) and I have at the current moment nothing to show for all of my hard work then and since. I am literally hating the fact that I even spent the money (which I am still paying back while unemployed) to now realise that while I am ok at what I do I hate it. I'm scared because my track record shows that I am really bad at picking jobs..every time I find one it is either a lie or something I am really not good at.
So tomorrow I will start what used to be the unthinkable and begin applying at all the places I can find that are hiring. Starbucks, Lowe's and Target will be the first ones. I have to find something cause I have used up all my reserves and have nothing to fall back on. Rob doesn't understand because his family just supports him even though he has been unemployed for a year and still lives at home. Me I have been on my own since I was in college. My family can give me emotional support, but no other help.
I just want to cry...I just want to not have to do this again. I feel like I am just hitting my head on the same fucking wall and it is doing nothing but beating my brain to mush. I'm tired and want to crawl in bed and sleep, just sleep; but I know I can't do that or I will never get back out again.
Posted in: General Life on Wednesday, April 9, 2008 at 11:33 PM
